Colleen Displaced

one ordinary woman -vs- Multiple Sclerosis

Turning back time ...

I've been thinking about a lot of things just lately, and that’s nothing new I suppose but what has me writing just now is the thought of turning back time.  I know I'm not the only one to have ever thought about that, but if someone gave you the power to turn back time, would you?

It's a really tough call! 

There are some things I truly wish I hadn't had to go through, and some that I wouldn't swap for the world.  Trouble is, they overlap a bit, so how would anyone work out what point in time to go back to?  If you think about it, it’s probably the same for you.

For one thing, I wouldn't want to go back to the time before I had my children in case it meant that I wouldn't get to actually have my children.  So it has to be after that.  There were things I'd rather not have experienced before that time either, but so be it, can't go back that far or I will miss out on my kids.

Going back in time gets more complicated the more you think about it, try it yourself and I imagine it will be much the same.

Now this is purely for myself, but having thought about it, I guess there's just one thing I'd absolutely want to avoid.  It’s not hard to guess what that thing is.  Of course it’s Multiple Sclerosis.  MS.  M freakin’  S.  Now, nobody knows what causes Multiple Sclerosis.  So that makes it really tricky, BUT if I could just go back to before my MS manifested itself, if I could just not do whatever I did, if indeed it was something that I did, or didn't do - oh how I wish I could go back to stop that happening.   Impossible.  A nice thought though, that it might be possible.  Because something started it, and oh how I wish I knew what it was.

So I'd want more than just turning back time, I'd want divine help to pinpoint exactly the time that I need to get back to, AND I'd need to know what it is that I have to make sure I do or don't do.  Sorry if that's confusing, you'll probably have to read that three times before it makes any sense at all!

Actually, now that I've thought more about it, I'd actually go through all the things I've already been through, if I could just NOT end up with MS.  But you know what?  Everything I’ve lived through, everything that’s caused me pain or anguish, everything that’s made me blissfully happy or brought great joy or even great difficulty has made me who I am, and I think I’m pretty lucky to like myself, no matter what.   So, having thought about it, I will just keep on keeping on!


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